Tag Archives: TV

Dear Santa

This will probably be my last entry of 2011 and I want to end on a positive. The last week has been a little tough and I didn’t want to post until I got out of my slump, which I always do one way or another.

I found out that I didn’t land the film role, which I think I already knew but when you wait to hear back you can’t help but hold out hope. Personally I am surprised at the choice; I don’t think the actress is right for the role. She is a great actress and I like her work but I just can’t see her in this part. Maybe it’s because I felt it was so right for me and she is very different to me that it has thrown me. When you go up for a role which is so close to you in “real life” when you don’t get it, it can be soul destroying. After all who else can play yourself better than you? In this case this woman apparently! Anyway after the initial anguish and disappointment I have once again pulled through.

The recording for the HBO show went really well. Bless my BF we spent pretty much the whole night doing it but it was definitely worth it and as he loves the show as much as I do I think he was quite excited to do it.

It’s my last day at my “day job” today, at least for this year and I am off back to my parents this afternoon so my body is already starting to relax and my mind to unwind. The year has been tough but I have survived! I have had work, albeit briefly and I have met casting directors that I hadn’t met before. I think I have settled in to my new agency now and so I am ready to hit 2012 running. I do hear nearly every December that next year will be my year but I am going to say that next year really is. I turn 30 then (sob sob) so this blog will need to change, I will no longer be on the right side of 30!? My aim has always been to “make it” by the time I’m 30 and so it shall be!

I had a message recently on twitter by a lovely girl who asked me how I do it. How do I keep going when it seems nothing goes right? And well I guess I just do. There is no secret or formula it’s just life and you deal with it. I am lucky enough to be able to follow my dream, it doesn’t always go the way I want it to but I’m still doing it. Giving up is not an option cos what then? I have a great life, my work is not easy and I certainly don’t look forward to getting on the tube to go to my city job everyday but it could be so much worse! I have the support of friends and family (and lovely strangers on twitter!) and I know it will pay off. One day this blog will be turned into a book and sell millions….. at least that’s one of the things on my list to Santa and he nearly always delivers.

Merry Crimbo everybody and here is to an amazing 2012 x


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Ho Ho No?

Well it’s nearly crimbo and the break couldn’t come quick enough, I literally feel like I am running on added time. I am, for want of a better phrase, so over 2011. Although the year has been exciting with new agent and exotic work placement it has been slow and a little disappointing.

I think I just got far too excited and complacent about what was going to happen. I though this year would be the year when I could finally throw in the day job. Which right now I think has the potential to send me loopy, the point when I might actually hurt someone – to be more specific my boss.

 I felt I had served my time, put in the hard graft to make me worthy of a career but alas it would appear that I am not there yet. I have not really got an outlet to vent either at the moment. It seems like some people’s patience has run out with regard to listening so I am forced to pour out my  frustrations on here. I would go and see someone but that requires money, which requires work and these are two things I don’t have right now. To clarify the office job doesn’t count as work, it’s more a form of torture.

 Anyway.. I have an exciting audition coming up for another HBO show. Not one I have auditioned for before, and honestly not one that I thought I ever would but I LOVE the programme, and although I don’t think I am right for the character it’s still an opportunity to be seen by them which is amazing. It would mean 9 months filming in New York so pretty much all of next year in work and out of the country. I cannot explain to you how perfect that would be, however I know this role is not for me but they could potentially see me for something else so fingers crossed.

 I am still waiting to hear back on the film audition I had a few weeks ago which has had some cast announcements already and its much bigger than I thought it was. The names attached mean this would have a huge cinema release so would be a big break for me. My agent is still optimistic but I can’t help but think I would know by now if it was good news.

 So as you can tell I am not feeling too positive right now. But I think that’s ok. I am allowed to feel like this every now and again. This is a hard profession, the term emotional roller-coaster is never more apt when it comes to acting. The problem comes when you try to repress it and then it all builds up and comes out in one almighty explosion and that’s not something I want to experience thank you very much.

 I am looking forward to a Christmas break of eating and drinking too much, being with loved ones and most importantly presents!! No just kidding… I won’t eat too much, I’m an actress after all and we’re not allowed to do that.


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Go on holiday now, there is nothing going on anyway….

I have had quite a good few weeks, it seems the jobs and auditions have suddenly flooded in.

I was up in the north of the country for a couple of days last week, filming a short scene on a kids show. This was a favour really to the producer as I have worked with him before. I got the impression someone had dropped out or was no longer available at the last-minute and they needed someone quickly. It was definitely done for the money. I did find it hard though. It felt like a step backwards. I couldn’t help but think “what am I doing here” and when some of the crew and cast asked whether I had worked for HBO before I was tempted to lie. I couldn’t have of course as they clearly knew I had otherwise why ask? But from their responses I knew they were also thinking “why are you doing this” But you know it’s Christmas there are parties to go to and presents to buy and I need the cash.

On Monday I got asked to attend a script reading. It was for quite a big American show and often when it comes to read through’s the cast don’t attend. They already have the part and it can be too time consuming so they ask actors to fill in and read on their behalf. This is a good opportunity to meet producers and directors etc. and can also be like an audition for any parts that haven’t been cast. And it is also paid so again a nice little bit of spending money before crimbo.

I have also had some exciting auditions. Mainly for a feature film, shooting for three months Jan to Feb in a nice part of England. It’s a big project and the part I went for is small enough for a relatively unknown like myself to play but also big enough to be remembered for. So it would be perfect. There is some nudity in it but compared to what I did for HBO its nothing!! The first audition went really well, the casting director clearly liked me and I was certain I would be called back. I was and this time it was with the director. Alas this did not go as well. It wasn’t that I did anything any different it would just appear that the CD liked what I was doing more than the director. It has been nearly two weeks now and I still haven’t heard. However as it is a recall we will hear either way, so I suspect that it’s a case of the CD trying to convince the director I am right. It’s so difficult not to get your hopes up, as I have said many times before, but the longer the wait the less hopeful I become. Who knows, fingers crossed.

I would usually say it will be quiet now on the lead up to crimbo but it seems I have been busier lately than I have all year so will not jinx it by saying too much. Perhaps all the “young” actresses out there have already headed off to start their festivities, either way let the good times roll!

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Wish I had never asked

So September has been and gone and I seem to have completely forgotten to tell you about it! I think the sudden dramatic weather change threw me off a little and I forgot there was something besides sunbathing that I was supposed to be doing! So as the hot weather is now, I should think, definitely over, so is my hiatus.

Well, honestly it’s been quiet. I had some ADR to do at the start of the month for the program I did in June. That’s always painful, having to dub yourself not only in time but in the right tone and level to the rest of the scene is always a challenge. Thankfully it was one line, and for the amount they paid me I really shouldn’t complain about it.  

I also had a little reunion with the cast which was really nice. You form such a close friendship when you’re on set and working in what is ultimately a different world for a while but so often when the job is done so are the friendships. Don’t think this is going to be the case with these guys, at least I hope not. I actually just received an email from one of the girls who is now a regular on a popular show and has told me about a guest part which is coming up which she thinks I would be right for.  So I have emailed the old agent to see if we can get in there early.

I don’t think there is ever anything wrong with chasing your agent, no matter how big they are. Sometimes people seem hesitant to do this but I always think it’s a mistake. I popped in to see mine last week for a chat and it always makes me feel better afterwards. I have only had one job this year and as this agent is new I worried, but she put my fears at rest, we spoke about future stuff and I left a lot more positive than when I arrived!

I had an audition at the end of the month (like I said it’s been quiet) for a new movie with a top director and stellar cast and it was for a decent role. Was really excited about this, it’s with a casting director who is really good to me, always gets me in when I could fit the bill. Before I went in I chatted to the assistant a little bit. I have known them for quite some time now so it’s like catching up with a friend really. I made the error of enquiring about a role that I have been hoping for for a while, thinking there was still a chance I may get it and found out it was cast! This knocked me, not because I was certain I was going to get it but more because I was excited about the possibility. It’s always easier to keep going if there could be something on the horizon and this was my something. Then I had to go in and do my audition and I lost it. The energy dropped and I pretty much sucked. The CD was lovely as ever and I had several go’s and was told at the end that it was good but I knew it wasn’t…

I have some filming to do at the weekend for a short film which will take me out of the country for a few days which is nice but at the moment truly I am struggling to stay positive. It’s not that I would consider giving up, there is nothing I would rather do so it’s not an option really I just wish I didn’t want to do it. That is where I am at the moment, wishing I had stuck with my plan at 4 to “look after animals”… it may have been more exams and training but at least I would probably “be there” by now! Lots of programmes are coming out that I wanted or went for and that’s always tough and it’s just all a bit rough at the moment. But there are things on the horizons, it’s not all doom and gloom but like the weather, it really could be better!

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I’m fine to wait… really

I am currently sitting in a cute little cafe out of the rain and on my brand new MacBook Air! Very happy, it’s so cute and a well deserved treat. I got this with the money I earned from that really tough job I did on that tropical island. I know, sometimes I hate me too.

Anyway, I have just finished an audition and I have some time to kill (in fact more time than I realised, I could have gone home but when I finally figured out that my 4 o’clock audition was actually 4.40 it was too late to leave.) So I am now on my second cup of tea and because I have been here so long, and have still got at least an hour, I have bought a scone too. It’s really delicious as it turns out, so it’s all worked out rather well!
Since I last wrote I had another advert audition. I had learnt the lines well, it was a farcical ad and from what I could tell quite funny so I was looking forward to it. Turn up and the room is packed, I soon discover the girl next to me is due in 40 mins before me so I settle myself. It’s boiling so I have taken off as much as I can without looking like a stripper! I just get my book out, reading Game of Thrones at the moment, to be honest I know the story, rather well, but it’s just one of those books you can read again and again! SO I’m settled in when my name gets called. I feel the girl next to me is about to protest but I am up on my feet and out of the room before she can say “rum I …”. Leaving most of my clothes and my book behind me – like I say I know the story so it’s really no biggie if I lose my place – that room was hotter than the sun and I was not feeling compassionate. I am in with two others and it soon becomes apparent that one of the guys is a complete moron. He is not listening to one word the CD is saying and it’s really difficult to act with him. Before i know it the audition is over and he has successfully sabotaged the whole thing. As I walk out I realise that they had called the wrong name and it should have been the other girl in there and not me. If only I had been honest and let her go in I would have avoided that catastrophe. You live and learn.
I have just left a much more successful audition for an American comedy series. The CD recognised me from an audition I had about a year ago, it was that audition that I thought I had done terribly (blog one) and I ended up getting. So that was a good start, I relaxed and just nailed it. The girl before me had gone in, in a foul mood because she had been kept waiting, there was no way I was going to go in before her. One, she would have probably knocked me down and two, she really did set me up quite nicely. I went in very relaxed and smiley; in contrast to the sweat and panic that this lady saw me in the last time, although that did get me the part so we shall see….
Now I am waiting for my next audition which is a guest slot in a kids show. Only one ep, so more for the money and break from the office than anything, fingers crossed.
To conclude I am in good spirits today, even though the weather is horrendous!!! I am at a loss as to what to do next however. I have a good 30 mins before I need to leave thankfully as I don’t have a brolly and it’s not just the fear of getting my hair wet! I don’t think my precious MacBook air would dry out quite as easily. Man, it’s never just perfect is it!

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I predict a feast, I predict a feast!

It’s been a strange few days since my last post, what with all the riots and madness which has spread over the country I have been somewhat preoccupied. I can’t believe what has been going on and was saddened by what I was watching. But as I have said before this is a blog about acting and nothing more, so my lack of comments in relation to the current state of affairs is intentional.

 Well I still have had no word from the previous auditions – although I knew the advert one was a no after a few days (you usually hear very quickly when it comes to ads) – I still hold out hope for the big one. I know it doesn’t start filming till the end of the month and as we are not quite half way through yet I think I still have this week at least. So I can postpone the probably inevitable disappointment for a few more days at least. Yay.

 I had an audition for a comedy series at the end of the last week in which I had to dress up looking very Shoreditch. For those of you not familiar with Shoreditch it is a part of inner city London,  known for its “too cool for school” fashion and attitude. Personally I am not a fan. But I pulled something together and tried my best to seem like I was “cool” with it. I think that’s what they call acting….

 Anyway I get there and I am faced with another actress who has the same first name as me which seems to have thrown the CD a little as we have both been called at the same time. Just another joy of being an unknown, I am sure this would never happen to Sienna or Kiera. Although saying that I can’t imagine there are many other actresses out there with their names, excuse me if I am wrong. So anyway here I am face to face with the other actress who then proceeds to give me a hug. Ok, slightly overly friendly but perhaps this is just some sort of banter with the whole same name thing. So I hug back and then she says “this is funny isn’t it”…. Urm yeah, I guess?? Not that funny but ok, I’ll go with it. Then she says she feels like she knows me. Now I’m thinking I’m missing something here and then the CD comes out and the actress says “I was just saying how funny it is because we are always at the same auditions! Not only do we have the same name but we appear to have the same look too. We feel like we know each other”… Mmm, that’s not really true, she feels like she knows me but I have absolutely no recollection of her.

 Anyway she goes in first and I start looking over the lines. Then her audition starts and it’s like she is in the room with me. I can hear it clearly word for word. This in my experience is never good. It may seem like you have an advantage that you can see which way they are going and work around that, but it’s definitely a disadvantage. Especially when they are taking a totally different approach to you! It’s like she is reading for a different character but the lines are the same. This is a nightmare, I try to block it out but it’s impossible. Thankfully though I don’t think she’s very good, it’s not right for the character at all and the CD doesn’t seem to be too enthusiastic so I relax a little. Silly me. When I go in and do my read it doesn’t work at all. I didn’t’ get a chance to practice this with anyone and sometimes when you hear something out loud it sounds very different to what you heard in your head. I try to adapt but then it just seems like I am doing a very poor imitation of the girl before me. Disastrous, I leave deflated and also still have no idea what that other actress looks like. Why can’t I remember her face?! Oh well, I’m pretty certain I’ll see her again!

 I had another comedy audition this week for an extremely popular show. I had practiced a lot (this time out loud) and was feeling confident and excited about the meet and then the riots kicked off. The audition was slightly later in the day and in an area which I couldn’t’ be certain was safe so I backed out. I asked if we could rearrange but it looks like it was cancelled and I missed out. The fact that there was no trouble in that area was ridiculously annoying. Like visiting a doctor and being told nothing is wrong, you seem to feel annoyed that you had wasted your time. So I missed out on that and now the only thing I have on is an audition for an advert this afternoon. I never get excited about these as in all my years of work I have only done two…. The odds are not good.

 So like the weather my mood has turned miserable again… I feel no desire to riot you’ll be pleased to know, smashing up the town I live in and stealing from JD sports is not something I would do to cheer myself up, but hey that’s just me. I think it’s time for a pizza, and maybe some chips, I’m a little mental like that.


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Sometimes you just need to let it all out

Auditions have started to pick up again. It seems whenever I complain or worry that I am not getting enough they all start rolling in. So despite what my boyfriend tells me I really should start complaining more.

I had one for an advert that went well and was quite fun – which is rare – but no luck. However, sometimes it doesn’t matter too much if it’s a no. if you have done a good audition, you knew you couldn’t do better, and the experience was pleasant or even fun then it’s a good meet. A nice experience and a bit of a practice really.

I also had a biggie!! For a new series with an amazing company, the lead and after imdb’ing the show it already has a stellar cast attached so would be pretty sweet. I didn’t have a lot of notice and the email I received from my agent advised me to not only make sure I knew all the lines but also that I read all the scripts… it was a fiver parter, each ep an hour-long so all in all five hours of reading.

This wouldn’t have usually been a problem, could get my head down and bash through, but I had plans that night to see one of my favourite bands. Now I know work should always come first, and it does believe me but I hadn’t seen these guys in over two years and did not want to miss them! So I emailed my agent asking her how vital it was to read it all and she called me. As soon as her name appeared on the phone I knew what the answer was going to be. Agents very rarely call. The fact that she was as oppose to replying to my email was an indication of how important it was that I read it all. I did worry that I sounded a bit slow as she did say “you do have all night and its only 5 eps….” I could have interjected here that I wouldn’t actually have all night as I was going to this gig but decided against this and instead said “oh yeah it’s no problem I was just checking how much I needed to learn” This was a blatant lie as it was quite clear I didn’t need to lean it all. However I got away with it, she even said that her email probably wasn’t clear…. Phew.

When I turned up to the audition there were two girls already there. Both fairly similar to me. I had flat shoes on but also had heels in my bag. The girls start chatting to each other, they are old friends it would appear. Great. I’m not really interested so carry on looking over the (well learnt) lines when they start talking about the show and the cast already in place. My ears prick and I must have let it show as they start whispering. Damn it. I don’t have the strongest of hearing and living with a partner who snores louder than anyone I have ever met I am sure I have some drum damage too. So I look down, pretend I’m not interested and with all my might focus on the words. I hear them saying that the leading man is quite tall and they are both panicked about their height and how they wish they had brought heels. I wait for 10 maybe 15 seconds and very casually slip off the flats and put on the heels. Thank you ladies.

When the casting director comes out her face lights as she hugs one of them, bugger, always hate it when it’s not me that’s being hugged, and they disappear in to the room. So I am just left with the other girl who now starts going over her lines which are not the same as mine! So I begin to panic and try to lip read as well in case I am hearing incorrectly. The fact that I am staring intently at her mouth has clearly been noticed as she gets up and goes to the toilet. I can guarantee that if I had followed her she would be as close to the mirror as possible checking for something in her teeth or on her chin that could cause my staring. I can pretty much guarantee also that if I had followed her it would have been extremely uncomfortable for all concerned. Anyway, I calm myself, staying confident that I have learnt the right bit and go back to practicing. But by the time all this palaver is over the CD is back out and I’m going in.

The reception is frosty, I’m not entirely sure why but there is definitely a wall there. I tell her that I have read it all which seems to perk her up slightly but then, as if she has just remembered she doesn’t like me, she goes on to quiz me. I handle it well enough and we move on. We do a cold read first and it goes well, I have got the right section and she seems to like what I’m doing and then she turns the camera on. It all goes wrong, my mind blanks and I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Horrendous. She however seemed to find this endearing and from that moment on became like a mother. Re assuring, patient and supportive, she wants me to do a good job. The audition went really well from that point on and I left a very happy bunny.

So once again I have a feeling of hope and quiet confidence but I am trying my hardest not to get carried away. It was a good meet, I have won over what was an extremely challenging CD so I need to just think of that and move on. I have an audition tomorrow for a nice little role in a comedy which would be a few weeks work, and a nice little gig so just need to focus on that now. So can’t complain really, although if pass experience is anything to go by I should probably complain all night long and hopefully tomorrow huge auditions will start flooding in!


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