This will probably be my last entry of 2011 and I want to end on a positive. The last week has been a little tough and I didn’t want to post until I got out of my slump, which I always do one way or another.
I found out that I didn’t land the film role, which I think I already knew but when you wait to hear back you can’t help but hold out hope. Personally I am surprised at the choice; I don’t think the actress is right for the role. She is a great actress and I like her work but I just can’t see her in this part. Maybe it’s because I felt it was so right for me and she is very different to me that it has thrown me. When you go up for a role which is so close to you in “real life” when you don’t get it, it can be soul destroying. After all who else can play yourself better than you? In this case this woman apparently! Anyway after the initial anguish and disappointment I have once again pulled through.
The recording for the HBO show went really well. Bless my BF we spent pretty much the whole night doing it but it was definitely worth it and as he loves the show as much as I do I think he was quite excited to do it.
It’s my last day at my “day job” today, at least for this year and I am off back to my parents this afternoon so my body is already starting to relax and my mind to unwind. The year has been tough but I have survived! I have had work, albeit briefly and I have met casting directors that I hadn’t met before. I think I have settled in to my new agency now and so I am ready to hit 2012 running. I do hear nearly every December that next year will be my year but I am going to say that next year really is. I turn 30 then (sob sob) so this blog will need to change, I will no longer be on the right side of 30!? My aim has always been to “make it” by the time I’m 30 and so it shall be!
I had a message recently on twitter by a lovely girl who asked me how I do it. How do I keep going when it seems nothing goes right? And well I guess I just do. There is no secret or formula it’s just life and you deal with it. I am lucky enough to be able to follow my dream, it doesn’t always go the way I want it to but I’m still doing it. Giving up is not an option cos what then? I have a great life, my work is not easy and I certainly don’t look forward to getting on the tube to go to my city job everyday but it could be so much worse! I have the support of friends and family (and lovely strangers on twitter!) and I know it will pay off. One day this blog will be turned into a book and sell millions….. at least that’s one of the things on my list to Santa and he nearly always delivers.
Merry Crimbo everybody and here is to an amazing 2012 x
Well it’s nearly crimbo and the break couldn’t come quick enough, I literally feel like I am running on added time. I am, for want of a better phrase, so over 2011. Although the year has been exciting with new agent and exotic work placement it has been slow and a little disappointing.
I think I just got far too excited and complacent about what was going to happen. I though this year would be the year when I could finally throw in the day job. Which right now I think has the potential to send me loopy, the point when I might actually hurt someone – to be more specific my boss.
I felt I had served my time, put in the hard graft to make me worthy of a career but alas it would appear that I am not there yet. I have not really got an outlet to vent either at the moment. It seems like some people’s patience has run out with regard to listening so I am forced to pour out my frustrations on here. I would go and see someone but that requires money, which requires work and these are two things I don’t have right now. To clarify the office job doesn’t count as work, it’s more a form of torture.
Anyway.. I have an exciting audition coming up for another HBO show. Not one I have auditioned for before, and honestly not one that I thought I ever would but I LOVE the programme, and although I don’t think I am right for the character it’s still an opportunity to be seen by them which is amazing. It would mean 9 months filming in New York so pretty much all of next year in work and out of the country. I cannot explain to you how perfect that would be, however I know this role is not for me but they could potentially see me for something else so fingers crossed.
I am still waiting to hear back on the film audition I had a few weeks ago which has had some cast announcements already and its much bigger than I thought it was. The names attached mean this would have a huge cinema release so would be a big break for me. My agent is still optimistic but I can’t help but think I would know by now if it was good news.
So as you can tell I am not feeling too positive right now. But I think that’s ok. I am allowed to feel like this every now and again. This is a hard profession, the term emotional roller-coaster is never more apt when it comes to acting. The problem comes when you try to repress it and then it all builds up and comes out in one almighty explosion and that’s not something I want to experience thank you very much.
I am looking forward to a Christmas break of eating and drinking too much, being with loved ones and most importantly presents!! No just kidding… I won’t eat too much, I’m an actress after all and we’re not allowed to do that.
It’s been a quiet few weeks, hence my lack of posting. I never want to write just for the sake of it but felt it was best to post something so you don’t think I have gone AWOL. After my last confession of being on a major come down I can see the potential for people to think I may have gone mental. Well I haven’t, not quite.
I have had a couple of auditions, not as much as I’d like, but some at least. One was for a tour of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which is an amazing play but the destination of some of the theatres weren’t too appealing so in truth I don’t think my desire was there. I was also late. This had nothing to do with a lack of desire more to do with a lack of decent public transport. I really hate the tube. They were understanding and fortunately the director had also been effected by the disruptions but nonetheless it’s not a great start. It went ok but they only got me to read once and unless they say, “wow, that was amazing, prefect, I really don’t think we need to hear that again” I don’t think it’s ever a good sign.
The other was for an advert, sweet gig, four days filming in Berlin with just under £15,000 for your troubles. I got pencilled, not heavy pencilled, pencilled and so deep down I knew I wouldn’t get it. I wish they wouldn’t call unless I’m penned!! Well I waited until the day before filming started still thinking that the pencil may change into a pen and then my agent emailed with the sad news that the pencil had been removed. Erased, rubbed out, over. So that’s that.
I have had a few people ask me over the last few days how “it’s” all going and I have said to everyone without hesitation that it’s going well. That I am on target. That this time next year I will be a full-time actress, not temping to tide me over. I think it is important to have these goals, as long as you’re flexible. I have in all honestly hit the goals I have set myself so far. When I first started out I wanted representation in a year, and I got it. Then I wanted a personal agent by the time I was 26 and I got one and then I said I wanted one of the top agencies by the time I was 30 and I am well ahead on that one, ish….
So now the next goal has been set and I think as long as I keep willing it to happen I’ll get there. This is however quite a big goal, and not much time to achieve it in but I have to stay positive and focused. Jeeze if I had a penny for every time I’d said those words I think I would be able to afford to just be an actress!
Well it’s been a long time since my last post and I apologise, it’s not because there has been nothing to report but quite the opposite!! I have finally got a job. Yes I am off the starting blocks and what a relief!! My agent assured me that I didn’t need to worry, that they were happy with how it was going, but the truth was it wasn’t going anywhere so now I can relax… a little.
The part is not huge but a nice role and filming in a beautiful location. It was cast by some very influential casting directors and will be a big production so lots of boxes are ticked.
I have also got myself another HBO audition. It is for the same show as I have been going in for since last year so it is very positive. The team will know me well by now so the fact they are still getting me in is an extremely positive sign. It also seems that each time I get called back the part gets better and better.
I originally auditioned for a very small role, and now I am up for a biggie! And she is evil too……. well maybe not evil but certainly not a character you would want to mess with. That is always fun, I do loving playing a powerful woman! I have practiced since I got the script a couple of days ago and know the part well. My brother has read all the books it is based on and so I always call him for the low down. His response for this one was that she was one scary motha…!
Yum, can not wait. It’s nice when you actually look forward to an audition. It’s going to be a fun afternoon. I know the casting director so well now it’s almost like seeing a friend and the sides I have to read are so bloody brilliant I am going to really enjoy delivering it.
So here we are similar position to last time. I have a job which I should be so excited about and solely focused on but all I have been doing for the last few days is eating, drinking and sleeping HBO. Dear lord I hope I’m not writing this again next year!!
What a few weeks it’s been! Kate and Wills are married, Obama has killed Osama and Wigan won a game…. Seriously though, I want to say now I am not going to comment on the Osama incident, this is a blog about acting and I think its best if I keep it that way. I have had messages on previous occasions when there has been some global catastrophe or world event asking me whether I had seen the news. Yes I read the news and yes I am fully aware of what is going on in the world but I am going to stick to what I know and that is acting….
I had lunch with my agent a few weeks back, which was nice. She allayed my fears about being dropped and assured me that it was only a matter of time before something comes along and they were all really pleased with the feedback they’d been getting. I wish the feedback could have been a touch more positive and they had actually gone that little bit further and given me the job, but one step at a time I suppose.
When I turned up to meet her I had made sure to look the best I could without it looking like I had tried too hard. I also had planned all the issues I wanted to raise as I know these social meets may be a rarity. When I saw the menu I was immediately drawn to the fish finger sandwich and chips but conceded that would not be a wise choice for a young ambitious health conscious actress, sigh. As I perused the options of lentils, beans, leaves and general rabbit food I found it increasingly difficult to pick anything appetising. At that point she told me I had to try the fish finger sandwich as it was amazing. I knew I liked her. This was the first time I had seen her since she signed me in January and although we have regular email contact its nice to meet in person.
We discussed how it was going, what the plan was etc. We also agreed that the sooner I get new headshots the better. They have been booked in for Friday and I pray to god it works out. I am also going to Cannes this year. My boyfriend is working out there and I am going along for the ride. I was dreading “net working”, as I would be doing it solo and I always find it a struggle but thankfully she told me not to worry about that. Everyone is out there for their own projects so she just told me to enjoy myself, always look nice, smile a lot and see what happens. Sounds good to me!
I have had a few good auditions since I last wrote and they have all gone really well. They’re all for big stuff and great roles but alas it seems that it’s just not happening at the moment. But I am hanging in there. I think a few days dressing up and smiling in Cannes will help immensely!
It’s been a long week to say the least. I am waiting to hear back from the TV audition and it’s killing me! I’m not usually this impatient, you get used to the waiting, you have to, but I just can’t seem to get this gig out of my mind. I even dreamt about it the other night, it’s literally driving me mental. I have also made the error of telling people.
When you are asked constantly by what seems like everyone what you are “working on” at the moment, it always feels crap to say nothing. So I usually say I’m waiting to hear back from several great auditions, so fingers crossed. And that’s enough. But this time I have told them all about this gig. So now I am constantly reminded of my early confidence and excitement which seems to be diminishing by the day.
I had some other news regarding the trailer I did for the new horror flick filming this year. The girl in it with me who was the lead has been replaced by an American actress who is well-known over the waters. This is great in terms of the movie, they are getting the financial backing and it’s obviously going to be a big release, but very disappointing for the other actress. She was great and became a good friend. But she was realistic about it from the beginning; she had the lead role so it was always likely to go to someone who would pull in the audience.
I contacted the producers about my role and at the moment it would appear I am safe. I don’t have a large part, although it is a nice character, so wouldn’t necessarily need to be a big name. I am not completely unknown in America so I am still in with a chance. This would be a big deal for me. The film is going for worldwide release in all cinemas and the script is really good so I am certain it would be a hit. But this is another thing where I mustn’t get carried away and try to forget about it.
With all these “maybe’s” going on it is hard not to get swept up with it all. I can’t help but feel like I am at the turning point, that this year, any moment now, it’s all going to come together. As exciting as it is, it’s also terrifying. What if nothing comes through? If all the auditions I’m waiting to hear back on come to nothing? Do I have the strength to start over again with new hopes? I think so, I have to, but jeeze it seems to be getting harder by the day.
I have a meeting with the agent on Friday to discuss my progress and basically have a catch up which is good and either way by then I will know about the TV job, so we can go from there with what’s next. Fingers crossed it’ll be something well paid, glamorous and hot!
Theatre audition was a nightmare!! I went to a friend’s house warming party the night before and I had planned to get the last train home but obviously I missed it so I had to sleep there. Now when I say sleep I mean to lie in the spare bedroom with a pillow over my head trying desperately to block out the thud of the bass of the 90’s classics. My brother also ended up in the bed with me so I was really glad that I’d decided to stay….
After a little over two hours sleep I made my way to the audition, it was a Sunday so I’m sure I wasn’t the only one a little worse for wear arriving. I turn up early and just about manage to keep my eyes open. I do a fairly coherent reading considering, but I am not expecting the call to come through any time soon.
I had debated whether to go at all but I pulled it off and it’s always good to meet new faces. Took me at least a day to get over that night, clearly not as young as I used to be!
Then yesterday I got a recall for the TV job I auditioned for last week!!! SO happy about it. The casting director is a gem, really on my side. When I went for the first audition I hardly had anything to read so he got me to read another character too. I ended up being called back for that part!
I googled the director the night before so I knew a bit of info on him and then on the way to the audition I saw him outside. It was great that I could confidently say hi knowing who he was and introducing myself. I think that went down well. I then had 5 mins to chat with him and one of the producers so I could tell them a little bit about what I’d done etc. And that was all before I’d gone in.
It was because of that they then asked me to prepare for another character as well. Both characters completely contrasted and I nailed both. I also knew that the writers were in the room and were going to have a large part to play in the casting process so it was important to win them over too so to speak. So….. when I was reading the scene I had just been given and therefore not prepared I decided to flatter them a little. It’s a comedy and so during the reading I got the giggles because “it was just so funny”, they loved that. It is funny anyway but I played it up a little and it worked wonders.
There really is no better feeling than leaving an audition and thinking yeah I am ace at this, I totally ruled! Well… I guess getting the job feels pretty good too.