Sometimes you just need to let it all out

Auditions have started to pick up again. It seems whenever I complain or worry that I am not getting enough they all start rolling in. So despite what my boyfriend tells me I really should start complaining more.

I had one for an advert that went well and was quite fun – which is rare – but no luck. However, sometimes it doesn’t matter too much if it’s a no. if you have done a good audition, you knew you couldn’t do better, and the experience was pleasant or even fun then it’s a good meet. A nice experience and a bit of a practice really.

I also had a biggie!! For a new series with an amazing company, the lead and after imdb’ing the show it already has a stellar cast attached so would be pretty sweet. I didn’t have a lot of notice and the email I received from my agent advised me to not only make sure I knew all the lines but also that I read all the scripts… it was a fiver parter, each ep an hour-long so all in all five hours of reading.

This wouldn’t have usually been a problem, could get my head down and bash through, but I had plans that night to see one of my favourite bands. Now I know work should always come first, and it does believe me but I hadn’t seen these guys in over two years and did not want to miss them! So I emailed my agent asking her how vital it was to read it all and she called me. As soon as her name appeared on the phone I knew what the answer was going to be. Agents very rarely call. The fact that she was as oppose to replying to my email was an indication of how important it was that I read it all. I did worry that I sounded a bit slow as she did say “you do have all night and its only 5 eps….” I could have interjected here that I wouldn’t actually have all night as I was going to this gig but decided against this and instead said “oh yeah it’s no problem I was just checking how much I needed to learn” This was a blatant lie as it was quite clear I didn’t need to lean it all. However I got away with it, she even said that her email probably wasn’t clear…. Phew.

When I turned up to the audition there were two girls already there. Both fairly similar to me. I had flat shoes on but also had heels in my bag. The girls start chatting to each other, they are old friends it would appear. Great. I’m not really interested so carry on looking over the (well learnt) lines when they start talking about the show and the cast already in place. My ears prick and I must have let it show as they start whispering. Damn it. I don’t have the strongest of hearing and living with a partner who snores louder than anyone I have ever met I am sure I have some drum damage too. So I look down, pretend I’m not interested and with all my might focus on the words. I hear them saying that the leading man is quite tall and they are both panicked about their height and how they wish they had brought heels. I wait for 10 maybe 15 seconds and very casually slip off the flats and put on the heels. Thank you ladies.

When the casting director comes out her face lights as she hugs one of them, bugger, always hate it when it’s not me that’s being hugged, and they disappear in to the room. So I am just left with the other girl who now starts going over her lines which are not the same as mine! So I begin to panic and try to lip read as well in case I am hearing incorrectly. The fact that I am staring intently at her mouth has clearly been noticed as she gets up and goes to the toilet. I can guarantee that if I had followed her she would be as close to the mirror as possible checking for something in her teeth or on her chin that could cause my staring. I can pretty much guarantee also that if I had followed her it would have been extremely uncomfortable for all concerned. Anyway, I calm myself, staying confident that I have learnt the right bit and go back to practicing. But by the time all this palaver is over the CD is back out and I’m going in.

The reception is frosty, I’m not entirely sure why but there is definitely a wall there. I tell her that I have read it all which seems to perk her up slightly but then, as if she has just remembered she doesn’t like me, she goes on to quiz me. I handle it well enough and we move on. We do a cold read first and it goes well, I have got the right section and she seems to like what I’m doing and then she turns the camera on. It all goes wrong, my mind blanks and I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Horrendous. She however seemed to find this endearing and from that moment on became like a mother. Re assuring, patient and supportive, she wants me to do a good job. The audition went really well from that point on and I left a very happy bunny.

So once again I have a feeling of hope and quiet confidence but I am trying my hardest not to get carried away. It was a good meet, I have won over what was an extremely challenging CD so I need to just think of that and move on. I have an audition tomorrow for a nice little role in a comedy which would be a few weeks work, and a nice little gig so just need to focus on that now. So can’t complain really, although if pass experience is anything to go by I should probably complain all night long and hopefully tomorrow huge auditions will start flooding in!

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5 Comments

Filed under Auditions

5 responses to “Sometimes you just need to let it all out

  1. Cheers a good deal intended for your blog content.Seriously getting excited about go through more. Great.

  2. Nice post! It’s always sucky when you do an excellent job while rehearsing but then F it all up when it’s go time. Glad you had a CD who was nice enough to calm you down so that you could give a good read. Good luck with it!

  3. Michelle

    I am a huge fan of you posts. I came across them when desperately searching for a cure for this numbing depression I am suffering. Depression caused by my failed acting career. I wish I didn’t want it so much. I wish I could forget about it. But if I distract myself by day my hunger haunts me in my dreams.
    Anyway I just wanted to say I love you posts and wish you the best of luck.
    Michelle

    • Dear Michelle.

      Thank you so much for your very honest and very kind comment about my blog.

      I know completely how you feel; I often wish I had stuck to my first desire to become a vet! Apparently I wanted this for about a week when I was 4 before the desire to act called.

      I have been acting professionally for about 15 years now and it is a constant struggle. The roller coaster of emotions is exhausting and there are many times when I just think I have no choice but to give it all in otherwise I may go insane. But then I think about it and what else would I do? What else would give me the rush, challenge, enjoyment of playing at being someone else?! Because that’s what all this is really, dressing up and being someone else for a while. The escapism is so refreshing and often educational that to walk away from it all i think would most definitely drive me mental! It’s such an exciting profession to be involved with and i often think how lucky i am to not only want to do it but to be good at it too (at least I hope I am!).

      It may seem at times that some people just succeed and “make it” so easily but for most of us it’s never the case. There are two types of actors in this business, jumpers and climbers, they both end up in the same position they just take different routes to get there. I am a builder and although at times – well most of the time if I am honest – i wish i was a jumper, the foundation i have and the experiences i learn from from building are invaluable.

      Stay strong and remember why you do it and be grateful that you have it. God i feel really sorry for the people that don’t have it in them, look what they’re missing out on!! I think it’s the ultimate high, and yes the come downs are tough but it’s totally worth it.

      Hang in there, if you stay passionate and focused it will happen, but mainly don’t forget to enjoy it. When you are feeling really low do something else, treat yourself and then tell yourself to snap out of it. Having these struggles and moments of frustration will only make it the more satisfying when you are working. I know all this is easy to say and sometimes you just need to wallow in it all but let it out when you need to, someone will put up with it (!) and things always seem better once you’ve talked about them. Just writing this to you has made me feel better!

      Thanks again for the note and I’ll see you on the red carpet!! X

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