This one is for me

Yesterday was eventful. I had contact with my ex agent which was nice, it was through email and I was so apprehensive about hearing from her, as I consider her a good friend, its nice to have that weight off my mind. She didn’t shut up shop because she had to but more because she wanted to. She has been working consistently for about four years, and that’s with NO holidays, and she was just pretty exhausted. It’s a lot harder to run a smaller agency I think. You don’t have as much support, she ran it pretty much by herself, and I think occasionally the relationship between agent and client can become more demanding. As I mentioned previously I had her mobile number, her home number, her address,,,, ok we were friends first but still, she was pretty much as available to all her clients. That can take its toll, she felt more like a mother than an agent and to be looking after so many “children” when you’re only just in your 30’s would test the best of us. So she is taking time out, she may go back to it or else go down another route but thankfully we are good. Hope to “do lunch” in a few weeks so it’ll be nice to catch up then.

I had my BIG audition. I had been prepping for it as soon as I was sent the script. It was the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep and the first thing I thought of when I woke up. It was probably all over in about four minutes. It was straight to camera so no reaction to gauge from anyone. The girl filming was sweet and helpful but she couldn’t tell me anything, I couldn’t get any sort of feedback as it has absolutely nothing to do with her. She did tell me that she would be sending the tapes over tonight and that they would know in a couple of weeks if it was good news. I had the unfortunate luck of hearing the girl before me. Her accent was pretty solid and her delivery was good but totally different to mine. She had read the character completely differently to me and that threw me. I had to try to block that out, it was distracting although I managed to shake it off and just stick to what I’d prepared. So that’s that. The excitement, prep, nerves and general focus of that is over. I left fairly flat and slightly empty in a way as there was nothing for me to aim towards. As I was sitting in there waiting, there was an actor who was chatting to the main CD about his up and coming trip to LA. He is going out for a month and she began listing off people who he should meet and what he’d be right for. I remember a while back when I was waiting to go in for an audition and the CD came out and chatted to me for a good ten minutes about future projects, and I heard the girl next to me sigh a little. I know how she feels. God it’s so rubbish sometimes, you just want to jump in and say “Hey what about me! You obviously already know that guy come chat to me, I am sure I’d be right for loads!” She told him about a film she was going to be casting in a couple of months but it was a period piece and at the moment she was only focusing on girls. It was almost like a comedy sketch, the only thing missing would have been me actually sitting there in period costume with a bright flashing arrow pointing at me. I spoke to mum and dad last night and they told me about a programme about a ski chalet maid that was coming out that I could have done easily and would have been perfect for. I see parts and think that all the time, I actually avoid watching certain shows that I’m sure I’d love simply because there is a part in it that I could have played.

Urgh, apologies for this rather downbeat and strange mood, it’s a constant battle of emotions really. The doubt is with me today. One minute you are so sure it’s going to happen and that this one could be the one and the next…. well can’t think like that. It’s only February and I’ve already had four really top auditions and even if they don’t result in immediate jobs people are seeing me so it’s all positive.

Well there you go, no post in over a week and then two in two days. I’m not sure who this post was for, you guys or for me, but I do feel a little bit better now. Who needs to spend loads on a therapist when I have you lot to talk to?