Another week has gone already and it’s beginning to get a little frightening at the speed they are going by at! Last week was very quiet, no auditions and not much contact with the agent. I think I was still on a bit of a buzz from the weekend so didn’t really notice. Its only when Monday blues kicks in today that I think, shit, it’s been over a week without an audition. It’s nice to say that at the moment that’s a long time! I did get a call though on Thursday saying I had been picked up on for a possible music video. Apparently the artist (a popular guy who has had several big hits) was looking through spotlight – the actor’s directory – and liked my picture. I was told that the chances were good; the director would be making his decision at the end of the week. Clearly, as I haven’t mentioned it immediately I didn’t get it. In the end it came down to height and although I am the average height for women in Britain, they went for the taller girl. Could have been worse, they could have said the thinner one, that would have hurt.
I have started at the gym as I really need to keep check on the weight situation. I have accepted that, for me, the idea of a diet is just not possible, as soon as I decide to avoid certain foods I end up bingeing on them and wanting them more. So I have joined the gym. It’s going quite well, I actually enjoy it when I am there but for some reason the actual going there is causing the problem. Still, I am going three times a week and I am going to stick to that as a minimum so I think that’s pretty good. I do need to stop eating pizza and chips though, it’s really hindering things. I have noticed of late however that actresses, especially those in England, seem to be curvier than the skeletal frames you see in Hollywood and it is so refreshing. After my HBO gig I received some shocking comments about my figure and it really got to me. I am not stick thin, but I’m by no means big either, but the pressure to be super slim and trim can be horrendous. I went through several stages of actually letting myself get quite depressed by it all and convincing myself that my career was never going to take off unless I conformed to the size zero trend. Well that never happened and watching TV and films lately I think I can breathe a sigh of relief. I think women look so much better curvaceous anyway. Actually no, I think women (and men for that matter) look the best when they are at their natural shape. Some people are naturally skinny and you can tell and some are naturally bigger, and I think finally we are beginning to lean towards the natural more. It’s funny because just writing this has made me feel less pressured and therefore less strict on myself which takes away the forbidden aspect and now takes away the craving. Brilliant. I have in the last few months not smoked (I used to, quite a bit), given up salt – I literally used to cake it on and not had a fizzy drink for ages! So I am feeling pretty healthy.
The freezing cold and the lack of heat and hot water this morning certainly got my blood pumping so I can safely say I am ready for action…. Just need some to come along!