Surround yourself with success and hopefully you’ll get some!

The headshots have been done and….. they’re not great. Well I thought they were ok but knew that they needed to be more than ok and I needed to have more than just a handful to choose from. So I showed them to my boyfriend who said he didn’t really love any but preferred the ones when I was serious. I then showed them to my dad who said he didn’t really love any but preferred the ones when I was smiling. So that was great. I spoke to mum too but mainly because I knew she would say she loved them all, god bless her. So I am sending them off to the agent to see what she thinks. Although I can pretty much assume that I will be writing another cheque to someone else by the end of the month, sigh. I really hate the whole headshot thing, they’re so subjective, who can tell what’s best? Should the shots be saying something about your personality? Saying what type of person you are and what you might be like to work with? Should they be a blank canvas to show that you could adapt to any role? Or should they focus on your cast type and say “this is the type of character I play well”? Who knows. You can guarantee though what one person will love another will hate.

So after a fairly flat afternoon on Friday I decided to head into Soho and cheer myself up with a drink or three. Ended up being a rather fab night, which is surprising for Soho. It’s not my favourite place to be honest, but I always seem to end up there, largely due to the fact that my boyf works smack bang in the middle of it. I saw a celeb – I guess you could say he is fairly up there, not A list but def B list. Although I think that’s just England, not sure if he has hit it state side yet. Anyway, after a few drinks I knew I had to get a picy with him, not just for me but for one of my closest friends who loves all that stuff! Anyway, as I totter over it turns out he is chatting to a good friend of mine and I notice just in time to make it look like I was going over to see him and it was just a coincidence that this “celeb” was there. I ended up getting opinions on my headshots and giving him some career advice!! He used to be a singer and is now branching into acting. It was great, I kinda left feeling like the “celeb” myself as this star said he loved the stuff I was in and would be grateful of any tips I could give him. Brilliant. Then I set off to meet my brother and his girlfriend who are both on fire at the moment. He has just got a promotion and a pay rise and he’s lovely girlfriend has not only been promoted but now has her own assistant!!! I mean that’s pretty good going, what a power couple. I wanted the night to go on longer than everyone else did though and after pleading with literally everyone to stay out I had to admit defeat and head home.

I had a good weekend, I went to the theatre to watch the company I worked with last year, new show. It was interesting, the acting was great and the direction was tight but the story kinda lost me. It was ambitious, the play was adapted from five plays into one, and I think it may have been a case of three plays too many. But it was a nice night with the actors after; they were all willing to chat about the show and share opinions. It was press night when we went and I happened to sit next to the woman who had slated our play last year. I didn’t know until after and I think that was probably for the best. Thankfully there was no yawning or fidgeting on my part that may have distracted her. I’m guessing she’ll be negative though, I’m assuming she is a failed actress. Hiss…… I also went to the cinema and watched Black Swan, wow, what a film! I won’t go into a full on critique as there are professionals out there who would review it much better than I but, I thought it was amazing. Very dark and at times hard to watch but mesmerising. It was slightly tainted by the alarmingly noisy audience, I mean it really was unbelievable! Conversations, sweet wrappers, drinks opening, laughing at really random moments… I want to go again but to a much smaller cinema, may be more expensive but totally worth it.

So another week and a positive attitude. Agent has the headshots so no doubt I will hear from her shortly and decide what to do for the best. I am doing lots of gym work in the mean time though, forgot to mention that at the last audition I was probably the fattest one there and because I will never give up on my carbs I am going to have to do a hell of a lot of exercise instead.

You mean I have to audition??!!

Last week ended up on an unexpected high. I had several auditions which all went really well, couldn’t have done better, and so I felt the parts were mine. I didn’t get any of them. Then on Thursday I received an email from a writer about a script he’d written which he was looking to film in March. It was a very detailed and exciting pitch. He already has an excellent DOP attached and an extremely experienced director. He knows of me through my HBO show and wanted to meet. Now, any work that is offered out right I am always dubious about. There always seems to be a catch, mainly, largely to do with my HBO role, nudity. I have pretty much decided against nudity from now on, unless it is absolutely essential to the script and they are willing to pay A LOT of wonga. I think I have earned that right. Also there are many newbie’s out there (this is the guys first script) who end up cutting corners and taking unnecessary risks, which I also want to avoid. So before I got carried away with it all I had my questions ready. Who was officially attached, what pre-production had been carried out already and what was left to do blah blah blah. When I arrive at the meeting, confident and prepared to grill him, I discover that not only am I NOT being offered the part outright, they are also seeing eight other girls. Fortunately, I did not give away the fact that I assumed the role was mine and managed to brush off this unexpected twist. But suddenly I found myself fighting for this role. I hadn’t thought for one minute it wasn’t mine so now all I can think about is not getting the part. It’s filming abroad in a country I have always wanted to go to, the production team attached are great and would be excellent to work with, I love the story and it’s for the lead. So I have gone from feeling slightly detached and hesitant at getting carried away, to falling in love with the job and desperately wanting it. Mmmm “you only want what you can’t have” springs to mind. I decided to not change my tactic however; I should still be sticking to my same requirements. He came to me after all and it should still be a matter of convincing me to do it. I know I can bring a lot to the film and would certainly do the part justice. So I remain slightly aloof. Asking questions and by no means saying I want the part. I am not sure if I had previously known that I was only being considered along with others that I would have played it this cool, but as I left the meeting I felt quite up beat about it. Usually when you are auditioning or meeting for a role you are selling yourself, showing or explaining why you should be given the role, but why not approach it the other way? Ok I’m not quite Hollywood status… yet… but I know what I can do so I no longer have to jump at every offer. Anyway it appears to have paid off, I will be meeting for a reading in a couple of weeks. It is unclear at this stage whether it’s just me or other girls as well but I am not going to give that any weight either way, I’m through the first round.

I would also like to address a question I was asked several weeks ago now, sorry about the delay, no excuses just forgot. This post reminded me of it. From a previous blog entitled Aren’t you that actress from, it was in reference to “fan enthusiasm” – and what is expected from you, the artist. I pick this up as I was contacted directly for this last job and not through my agent. Now I have a website where I can be contacted, there is no direct address or number so it’s still very much private but some of the “requests” I get are quite astounding. Working in this industry for around 15 years now (my first professional gig being in my early teens) the world of celebrity has certainly grown. I guess it seems a lot harder now to differentiate between a celebrity and an artist. All the horrendous “reality” programmes are not helping our cause, I feel strongly about the lack of credible drama on our screens today and frustrated by the amount of crap that’s shown instead. I should say at this point that I do love the X-Factor, it is my guilty pleasure and I know it completely goes against all I stand for but, for crying out loud, Simon Cowell is just so damn watch able!! Anyway, because many of these reality show contestants thrive on attention, they very much invite the public in, posing for paps, selling stories to papers etc etc.  So it becomes the case that the more you are gossiped about and in the media light, the more famous you become and the more work you get. Those who ignore fans, or not even ignore, but don’t throw themselves at them – much like your musical favourite Sia – suddenly become, arrogant, rude, ungrateful etc. It is extremely difficult to get the balance right and unfortunately it seems crucial. It’s not simply enough to be good at what you do but you need to be liked too. There are many out there who are quite frankly rubbish at everything, but the public love them.  I have not yet been in a situation when I have been face to face with any inappropriate behaviour or made to feel uncomfortable, but I have received mail from people which has been slightly awkward. Asking for dates, personal interviews, and some just ranting at me for not making myself “more available”…. In an ideal world our work would be the same as any other. You are praised when you do a good job and your personal life is nobody’s business but your own. But in the world of OK and Hello, WAG’s and Big Brother, I can’t see that happening any time soon. Perhaps one day I’ll have a more informed answer but right now I’m pretty much safe from intrusion.

There’s always one!

So we have had one review back so far and it was a great one!! They loved us and the production as a whole, there wasn’t one negative, so we are delighted! I have been feeling great about the show and have had some wonderful feedback. You know yourself when you’ve done a good performance and so far I am feeling happy. There has been a mystery blogger – who I can’t really complain about seeing as I am one too – who seems to have targeted me. I will say though that although I do remain anonymous I never publically insult anyone so I feel I do have the right to complain about this person slightly. It’s frustrating as I don’t believe that they didn’t like my performance which makes it a personal vendetta as oppose to a professional one. Now I know I shouldn’t let it bother me as the qualified critics have come back and they like it but still it can’t help but grate. I think if you are going to publically bash someone then you should at least have the guts to say who you are. I have received some less than kind bashings in my time, mainly to do with my appearance than my performance, and I have grown to accept this, there will always be someone who jumps on the hate wagon. But when they attack my ability as an actor that’s when it hurts. Ok so I did get my teeth done and the diet I went on after the HBO gig may (who am I kidding, was) a result of the comments I received from the public, but still, it’s my acting that’s important to me. I am old enough now to be comfortable with my appearance, so people can say what they want, but my acting!!!!??? Then the rage does seep in. But I figure if they’re not willing to say who they are then perhaps it’s because they are not confident enough in their statements, or at least aware that it’s just plain mean. Whenever I have received hateful remarks, it has always been from anonymous or “nicknamed” bloggers. I recently received a delightful message from a John Wayne, needless to say I decided not to post it, but if you are reading John, I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth! That is one thing that you have to accept when you come in to this line of work, there will always be someone trying to bring you down. For what reason? Who knows. But it must be exhausting feeling such negativity all the time, and hate only breeds hate so I suppose you should feel sorry for them more than anything… I’m trying.

Anyway, I have given the hater far too much time already. My agent has been doing well and seems to be getting some influential people in so that’s good and other cast members have been getting people in too, so we are getting the show case we deserve. I am a little nervous about tonight as I think we may be in the dog house. Now I know I said this last time and I am making the director out to sound like a head teacher but he’s not. Last time I totally misread the situation and we weren’t in trouble at all, but this time…? It was because of the weekend, we have two shows on the Saturday and in-between them we had to take production stills. This basically meant we had to go through the whole show again so the company had production shots. Why this could not be done during a dress rehearsal I’m not sure, in fact I think it was? Anyway, we were all a little shattered and also conscious of the time, we needed to eat and get ready for the next show so became a little agitated. And all of a sudden the girl taking the pics had a major hissy fit and it was all over. Now we have to meet early tonight and do it all again. Her attitude did anger me slightly to begin with but I really don’t care now, seems a little over the top, but it just highlights that it’s not only actors that can be divas at times. Wow, I guess this post is a bit of a moany one but hopefully next time it will be more positive. We are waiting for some more reviews to come out and I am excited about that as I am sure they’re going to be good ones. I also have lots of friends and family coming this week so I’m looking forward to the next few days. There are lots more stories to tell about the cast and how we manage to keep the “magic” alive, but that’s another post entirely….