Happy New Year

Happy new year! 2012 is here and we’re already half way through!

 I have started well with an exciting audition for a brilliant play at a great theatre. The play is one of my favourites, which is perhaps more commonly known as a Marilyn Monroe film. The part is fantastic, a real showcase of my ability and also a chance to show off my American accent. It’s a nice run and the money is good and also with a very up and coming director. It pretty much ticks every possible box!

 The audition was last week and I think it went really well. I had worked with the director before which is always a bonus. We had a nice chat beforehand and each spoke of what we have been doing since we last saw each other. I was relaxed and enjoyed the audition. I should find out this week – at least if I get a recall and I am already frantically checking my phone. I don’t want to check my emails, if I get an email from my agent it will be a no, a phone call and the news is inevitably good!

 I have had the usual positive, motivational start to the year that most people have. I have started on my fitness regime, going for a run yesterday and starting back full-time at the gym today. I am also looking into dance lessons. I am not sure which style to focus on yet but after a weekend of old-time movies I really want to look at tap dancing. The only problem with this is that my BF has very sweetly offered to accompany me and I don’t think tap was what he had in mind! But any dance class is good so I shall have a look around!

 I had a call from my commercial agent last week about an advert for Clio, which was great money and a fun part but you needed a driving license and I don’t have one. She was not pleased to discover this…. I have booked in for two lessons and hope to have my license by March. This may seem ambitious but I can technically drive, just not yet legally!

 On a slightly separate note I am also considering cooking lessons….They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, may be worth exploring that angle with directors….

Ho Ho No?

Well it’s nearly crimbo and the break couldn’t come quick enough, I literally feel like I am running on added time. I am, for want of a better phrase, so over 2011. Although the year has been exciting with new agent and exotic work placement it has been slow and a little disappointing.

I think I just got far too excited and complacent about what was going to happen. I though this year would be the year when I could finally throw in the day job. Which right now I think has the potential to send me loopy, the point when I might actually hurt someone – to be more specific my boss.

 I felt I had served my time, put in the hard graft to make me worthy of a career but alas it would appear that I am not there yet. I have not really got an outlet to vent either at the moment. It seems like some people’s patience has run out with regard to listening so I am forced to pour out my  frustrations on here. I would go and see someone but that requires money, which requires work and these are two things I don’t have right now. To clarify the office job doesn’t count as work, it’s more a form of torture.

 Anyway.. I have an exciting audition coming up for another HBO show. Not one I have auditioned for before, and honestly not one that I thought I ever would but I LOVE the programme, and although I don’t think I am right for the character it’s still an opportunity to be seen by them which is amazing. It would mean 9 months filming in New York so pretty much all of next year in work and out of the country. I cannot explain to you how perfect that would be, however I know this role is not for me but they could potentially see me for something else so fingers crossed.

 I am still waiting to hear back on the film audition I had a few weeks ago which has had some cast announcements already and its much bigger than I thought it was. The names attached mean this would have a huge cinema release so would be a big break for me. My agent is still optimistic but I can’t help but think I would know by now if it was good news.

 So as you can tell I am not feeling too positive right now. But I think that’s ok. I am allowed to feel like this every now and again. This is a hard profession, the term emotional roller-coaster is never more apt when it comes to acting. The problem comes when you try to repress it and then it all builds up and comes out in one almighty explosion and that’s not something I want to experience thank you very much.

 I am looking forward to a Christmas break of eating and drinking too much, being with loved ones and most importantly presents!! No just kidding… I won’t eat too much, I’m an actress after all and we’re not allowed to do that.

Wish I had never asked

So September has been and gone and I seem to have completely forgotten to tell you about it! I think the sudden dramatic weather change threw me off a little and I forgot there was something besides sunbathing that I was supposed to be doing! So as the hot weather is now, I should think, definitely over, so is my hiatus.

Well, honestly it’s been quiet. I had some ADR to do at the start of the month for the program I did in June. That’s always painful, having to dub yourself not only in time but in the right tone and level to the rest of the scene is always a challenge. Thankfully it was one line, and for the amount they paid me I really shouldn’t complain about it.  

I also had a little reunion with the cast which was really nice. You form such a close friendship when you’re on set and working in what is ultimately a different world for a while but so often when the job is done so are the friendships. Don’t think this is going to be the case with these guys, at least I hope not. I actually just received an email from one of the girls who is now a regular on a popular show and has told me about a guest part which is coming up which she thinks I would be right for.  So I have emailed the old agent to see if we can get in there early.

I don’t think there is ever anything wrong with chasing your agent, no matter how big they are. Sometimes people seem hesitant to do this but I always think it’s a mistake. I popped in to see mine last week for a chat and it always makes me feel better afterwards. I have only had one job this year and as this agent is new I worried, but she put my fears at rest, we spoke about future stuff and I left a lot more positive than when I arrived!

I had an audition at the end of the month (like I said it’s been quiet) for a new movie with a top director and stellar cast and it was for a decent role. Was really excited about this, it’s with a casting director who is really good to me, always gets me in when I could fit the bill. Before I went in I chatted to the assistant a little bit. I have known them for quite some time now so it’s like catching up with a friend really. I made the error of enquiring about a role that I have been hoping for for a while, thinking there was still a chance I may get it and found out it was cast! This knocked me, not because I was certain I was going to get it but more because I was excited about the possibility. It’s always easier to keep going if there could be something on the horizon and this was my something. Then I had to go in and do my audition and I lost it. The energy dropped and I pretty much sucked. The CD was lovely as ever and I had several go’s and was told at the end that it was good but I knew it wasn’t…

I have some filming to do at the weekend for a short film which will take me out of the country for a few days which is nice but at the moment truly I am struggling to stay positive. It’s not that I would consider giving up, there is nothing I would rather do so it’s not an option really I just wish I didn’t want to do it. That is where I am at the moment, wishing I had stuck with my plan at 4 to “look after animals”… it may have been more exams and training but at least I would probably “be there” by now! Lots of programmes are coming out that I wanted or went for and that’s always tough and it’s just all a bit rough at the moment. But there are things on the horizons, it’s not all doom and gloom but like the weather, it really could be better!

That was great, not what we asked for, but great

Well once again there has been no news. The two auditions I had when I wrote to you last both went really well and I couldn’t have done them better but alas it doesn’t appear to have been enough.

When I walked into my final audition there was a big poster of me on the wall. The director laughed and said she had been staring at my face all day. Maybe that was the problem? After looking at my mug shot (it wasn’t a mug shot, it was from a show I had done for this company a few years ago!) she couldn’t bare to look at me anymore and decided it was a no. It’s funny whenever I see things like that or the title of the show I am going up for is somehow relevant on a different level I think it must be fate, a sign. When the audition goes well too then I have already convinced myself that surely the part must be mine…. I am trying, I know after nearly ten years you would think I’d know better by now.

I had a theatre audition last week which was a little strange. The money wasn’t great and although the venue wasn’t fantastic it was in London and for the lead so it had potential. The breakdown for the character said a northern accent… so I practiced a northern accent. I have actually improved on this. I used to be terrible, so much so that I told my agent not to put me up for anything that requires one. I haven’t told her otherwise but maybe she sensed that now I was ready.. or perhaps it was just a subtle quick up the backside to get it sorted. Anyway, I was confident, the lines were learnt and the accent was good so I was ready to go. Within about three seconds of my monologue I am stopped. Oh bugger, this does not bode well. Is my accent really so bad? Am I hearing something entirely different to them or am I just shit? Well it would appear that my northern accent it fine but what they were after was a Scottish one. Now, correct my if I am wrong but they asked for a northern accent; a northern accent is a northern accent, if they wanted a Scottish one then they should have asked for a Scottish one! So now I am stuck, the only reference that comes to mind is Fat Bastard from Austin Powers and I am certain that is not the way to go. So I tell them that I could try with the Scottish accent but it may be a little off as I hadn’t been expecting it. Thankfully they told me not to worry, that perhaps they weren’t clear… urm do you think?! I don’t say that I thank them for being understanding and apologise for my error. Well, after that I really wasn’t fussed about getting it which was handy as I didn’t.

So nothing on the horizon at the moment. Only a few new shows coming out that I had audition for to look forward to watching and comparing myself to whoever the girl is who got my role and wondering what she has that I haven’t. Wow, good times ahead!

I’m fine to wait… really

I am currently sitting in a cute little cafe out of the rain and on my brand new MacBook Air! Very happy, it’s so cute and a well deserved treat. I got this with the money I earned from that really tough job I did on that tropical island. I know, sometimes I hate me too.

Anyway, I have just finished an audition and I have some time to kill (in fact more time than I realised, I could have gone home but when I finally figured out that my 4 o’clock audition was actually 4.40 it was too late to leave.) So I am now on my second cup of tea and because I have been here so long, and have still got at least an hour, I have bought a scone too. It’s really delicious as it turns out, so it’s all worked out rather well!

…

Since I last wrote I had another advert audition. I had learnt the lines well, it was a farcical ad and from what I could tell quite funny so I was looking forward to it. Turn up and the room is packed, I soon discover the girl next to me is due in 40 mins before me so I settle myself. It’s boiling so I have taken off as much as I can without looking like a stripper! I just get my book out, reading Game of Thrones at the moment, to be honest I know the story, rather well, but it’s just one of those books you can read again and again! SO I’m settled in when my name gets called. I feel the girl next to me is about to protest but I am up on my feet and out of the room before she can say “rum I …”. Leaving most of my clothes and my book behind me – like I say I know the story so it’s really no biggie if I lose my place – that room was hotter than the sun and I was not feeling compassionate. I am in with two others and it soon becomes apparent that one of the guys is a complete moron. He is not listening to one word the CD is saying and it’s really difficult to act with him. Before i know it the audition is over and he has successfully sabotaged the whole thing. As I walk out I realise that they had called the wrong name and it should have been the other girl in there and not me. If only I had been honest and let her go in I would have avoided that catastrophe. You live and learn.

…..

I have just left a much more successful audition for an American comedy series. The CD recognised me from an audition I had about a year ago, it was that audition that I thought I had done terribly (blog one) and I ended up getting. So that was a good start, I relaxed and just nailed it. The girl before me had gone in, in a foul mood because she had been kept waiting, there was no way I was going to go in before her. One, she would have probably knocked me down and two, she really did set me up quite nicely. I went in very relaxed and smiley; in contrast to the sweat and panic that this lady saw me in the last time, although that did get me the part so we shall see….

…..

Now I am waiting for my next audition which is a guest slot in a kids show. Only one ep, so more for the money and break from the office than anything, fingers crossed.

…..

To conclude I am in good spirits today, even though the weather is horrendous!!! I am at a loss as to what to do next however. I have a good 30 mins before I need to leave thankfully as I don’t have a brolly and it’s not just the fear of getting my hair wet! I don’t think my precious MacBook air would dry out quite as easily. Man, it’s never just perfect is it!

I predict a feast, I predict a feast!

It’s been a strange few days since my last post, what with all the riots and madness which has spread over the country I have been somewhat preoccupied. I can’t believe what has been going on and was saddened by what I was watching. But as I have said before this is a blog about acting and nothing more, so my lack of comments in relation to the current state of affairs is intentional.

 Well I still have had no word from the previous auditions – although I knew the advert one was a no after a few days (you usually hear very quickly when it comes to ads) – I still hold out hope for the big one. I know it doesn’t start filming till the end of the month and as we are not quite half way through yet I think I still have this week at least. So I can postpone the probably inevitable disappointment for a few more days at least. Yay.

 I had an audition for a comedy series at the end of the last week in which I had to dress up looking very Shoreditch. For those of you not familiar with Shoreditch it is a part of inner city London,  known for its “too cool for school” fashion and attitude. Personally I am not a fan. But I pulled something together and tried my best to seem like I was “cool” with it. I think that’s what they call acting….

 Anyway I get there and I am faced with another actress who has the same first name as me which seems to have thrown the CD a little as we have both been called at the same time. Just another joy of being an unknown, I am sure this would never happen to Sienna or Kiera. Although saying that I can’t imagine there are many other actresses out there with their names, excuse me if I am wrong. So anyway here I am face to face with the other actress who then proceeds to give me a hug. Ok, slightly overly friendly but perhaps this is just some sort of banter with the whole same name thing. So I hug back and then she says “this is funny isn’t it”…. Urm yeah, I guess?? Not that funny but ok, I’ll go with it. Then she says she feels like she knows me. Now I’m thinking I’m missing something here and then the CD comes out and the actress says “I was just saying how funny it is because we are always at the same auditions! Not only do we have the same name but we appear to have the same look too. We feel like we know each other”… Mmm, that’s not really true, she feels like she knows me but I have absolutely no recollection of her.

 Anyway she goes in first and I start looking over the lines. Then her audition starts and it’s like she is in the room with me. I can hear it clearly word for word. This in my experience is never good. It may seem like you have an advantage that you can see which way they are going and work around that, but it’s definitely a disadvantage. Especially when they are taking a totally different approach to you! It’s like she is reading for a different character but the lines are the same. This is a nightmare, I try to block it out but it’s impossible. Thankfully though I don’t think she’s very good, it’s not right for the character at all and the CD doesn’t seem to be too enthusiastic so I relax a little. Silly me. When I go in and do my read it doesn’t work at all. I didn’t’ get a chance to practice this with anyone and sometimes when you hear something out loud it sounds very different to what you heard in your head. I try to adapt but then it just seems like I am doing a very poor imitation of the girl before me. Disastrous, I leave deflated and also still have no idea what that other actress looks like. Why can’t I remember her face?! Oh well, I’m pretty certain I’ll see her again!

 I had another comedy audition this week for an extremely popular show. I had practiced a lot (this time out loud) and was feeling confident and excited about the meet and then the riots kicked off. The audition was slightly later in the day and in an area which I couldn’t’ be certain was safe so I backed out. I asked if we could rearrange but it looks like it was cancelled and I missed out. The fact that there was no trouble in that area was ridiculously annoying. Like visiting a doctor and being told nothing is wrong, you seem to feel annoyed that you had wasted your time. So I missed out on that and now the only thing I have on is an audition for an advert this afternoon. I never get excited about these as in all my years of work I have only done two…. The odds are not good.

 So like the weather my mood has turned miserable again… I feel no desire to riot you’ll be pleased to know, smashing up the town I live in and stealing from JD sports is not something I would do to cheer myself up, but hey that’s just me. I think it’s time for a pizza, and maybe some chips, I’m a little mental like that.

Sometimes you just need to let it all out

Auditions have started to pick up again. It seems whenever I complain or worry that I am not getting enough they all start rolling in. So despite what my boyfriend tells me I really should start complaining more.

I had one for an advert that went well and was quite fun – which is rare – but no luck. However, sometimes it doesn’t matter too much if it’s a no. if you have done a good audition, you knew you couldn’t do better, and the experience was pleasant or even fun then it’s a good meet. A nice experience and a bit of a practice really.

I also had a biggie!! For a new series with an amazing company, the lead and after imdb’ing the show it already has a stellar cast attached so would be pretty sweet. I didn’t have a lot of notice and the email I received from my agent advised me to not only make sure I knew all the lines but also that I read all the scripts… it was a fiver parter, each ep an hour-long so all in all five hours of reading.

This wouldn’t have usually been a problem, could get my head down and bash through, but I had plans that night to see one of my favourite bands. Now I know work should always come first, and it does believe me but I hadn’t seen these guys in over two years and did not want to miss them! So I emailed my agent asking her how vital it was to read it all and she called me. As soon as her name appeared on the phone I knew what the answer was going to be. Agents very rarely call. The fact that she was as oppose to replying to my email was an indication of how important it was that I read it all. I did worry that I sounded a bit slow as she did say “you do have all night and its only 5 eps….” I could have interjected here that I wouldn’t actually have all night as I was going to this gig but decided against this and instead said “oh yeah it’s no problem I was just checking how much I needed to learn” This was a blatant lie as it was quite clear I didn’t need to lean it all. However I got away with it, she even said that her email probably wasn’t clear…. Phew.

When I turned up to the audition there were two girls already there. Both fairly similar to me. I had flat shoes on but also had heels in my bag. The girls start chatting to each other, they are old friends it would appear. Great. I’m not really interested so carry on looking over the (well learnt) lines when they start talking about the show and the cast already in place. My ears prick and I must have let it show as they start whispering. Damn it. I don’t have the strongest of hearing and living with a partner who snores louder than anyone I have ever met I am sure I have some drum damage too. So I look down, pretend I’m not interested and with all my might focus on the words. I hear them saying that the leading man is quite tall and they are both panicked about their height and how they wish they had brought heels. I wait for 10 maybe 15 seconds and very casually slip off the flats and put on the heels. Thank you ladies.

When the casting director comes out her face lights as she hugs one of them, bugger, always hate it when it’s not me that’s being hugged, and they disappear in to the room. So I am just left with the other girl who now starts going over her lines which are not the same as mine! So I begin to panic and try to lip read as well in case I am hearing incorrectly. The fact that I am staring intently at her mouth has clearly been noticed as she gets up and goes to the toilet. I can guarantee that if I had followed her she would be as close to the mirror as possible checking for something in her teeth or on her chin that could cause my staring. I can pretty much guarantee also that if I had followed her it would have been extremely uncomfortable for all concerned. Anyway, I calm myself, staying confident that I have learnt the right bit and go back to practicing. But by the time all this palaver is over the CD is back out and I’m going in.

The reception is frosty, I’m not entirely sure why but there is definitely a wall there. I tell her that I have read it all which seems to perk her up slightly but then, as if she has just remembered she doesn’t like me, she goes on to quiz me. I handle it well enough and we move on. We do a cold read first and it goes well, I have got the right section and she seems to like what I’m doing and then she turns the camera on. It all goes wrong, my mind blanks and I have absolutely no idea what is going on. Horrendous. She however seemed to find this endearing and from that moment on became like a mother. Re assuring, patient and supportive, she wants me to do a good job. The audition went really well from that point on and I left a very happy bunny.

So once again I have a feeling of hope and quiet confidence but I am trying my hardest not to get carried away. It was a good meet, I have won over what was an extremely challenging CD so I need to just think of that and move on. I have an audition tomorrow for a nice little role in a comedy which would be a few weeks work, and a nice little gig so just need to focus on that now. So can’t complain really, although if pass experience is anything to go by I should probably complain all night long and hopefully tomorrow huge auditions will start flooding in!

I’m only interested in permanent markers

It’s been a quiet few weeks, hence my lack of posting. I never want to write just for the sake of it but felt it was best to post something so you don’t think I have gone AWOL. After my last confession of being on a major come down I can see the potential for people to think I may have gone mental. Well I haven’t, not quite.

I have had a couple of auditions, not as much as I’d like, but some at least. One was for a tour of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which is an amazing play but the destination of some of the theatres weren’t too appealing so in truth I don’t think my desire was there. I was also late. This had nothing to do with a lack of desire more to do with a lack of decent public transport. I really hate the tube. They were understanding and fortunately the director had also been effected by the disruptions but nonetheless it’s not a great start. It went ok but they only got me to read once and unless they say, “wow, that was amazing, prefect, I really don’t think we need to hear that again” I don’t think it’s ever a good sign.

The other was for an advert, sweet gig, four days filming in Berlin with just under £15,000 for your troubles. I got pencilled, not heavy pencilled, pencilled and so deep down I knew I wouldn’t get it. I wish they wouldn’t call unless I’m penned!! Well I waited until the day before filming started still thinking that the pencil may change into a pen and then my agent emailed with the sad news that the pencil had been removed. Erased, rubbed out, over. So that’s that.

I have had a few people ask me over the last few days how “it’s” all going and I have said to everyone without hesitation that it’s going well. That I am on target. That this time next year I will be a full-time actress, not temping to tide me over. I think it is important to have these goals, as long as you’re flexible. I have in all honestly hit the goals I have set myself so far. When I first started out I wanted representation in a year, and I got it. Then I wanted a personal agent by the time I was 26 and I got one and then I said I wanted one of the top agencies by the time I was 30 and I am well ahead on that one, ish….

So now the next goal has been set and I think as long as I keep willing it to happen I’ll get there. This is however quite a big goal, and not much time to achieve it in but I have to stay positive and focused. Jeeze if I had a penny for every time I’d said those words I think I would be able to afford to just be an actress!

Déjà vu

Well it’s been a long time since my last post and I apologise, it’s not because there has been nothing to report but quite the opposite!! I have finally got a job. Yes I am off the starting blocks and what a relief!! My agent assured me that I didn’t need to worry, that they were happy with how it was going, but the truth was it wasn’t going anywhere so now I can relax… a little.

The part is not huge but a nice role and filming in a beautiful location. It was cast by some very influential casting directors and will be a big production so lots of boxes are ticked.

I have also got myself another HBO audition. It is for the same show as I have been going in for since last year so it is very positive. The team will know me well by now so the fact they are still getting me in is an extremely positive sign. It also seems that each time I get called back the part gets better and better.

I originally auditioned for a very small role, and now I am up for a biggie! And she is evil too……. well maybe not evil but certainly not a character you would want to mess with. That is always fun, I do loving playing a powerful woman! I have practiced since I got the script a couple of days ago and know the part well. My brother has read all the books it is based on and so I always call him for the low down. His response for this one was that she was one scary motha…!

Yum, can not wait. It’s nice when you actually look forward to an audition. It’s going to be a fun afternoon. I know the casting director so well now it’s almost like seeing a friend and the sides I have to read are so bloody brilliant I am going to really enjoy delivering it.

So here we are similar position to last time. I have a job which I should be so excited about and solely focused on but all I have been doing for the last few days is eating, drinking and sleeping HBO. Dear lord I hope I’m not writing this again next year!!

Just smile

What a few weeks it’s been! Kate and Wills are married, Obama has killed Osama and Wigan won a game…. Seriously though, I want to say now I am not going to comment on the Osama incident, this is a blog about acting and I think its best if I keep it that way. I have had messages on previous occasions when there has been some global catastrophe or world event asking me whether I had seen the news. Yes I read the news and yes I am fully aware of what is going on in the world but I am going to stick to what I know and that is acting….

I had lunch with my agent a few weeks back, which was nice. She allayed my fears about being dropped and assured me that it was only a matter of time before something comes along and they were all really pleased with the feedback they’d been getting. I wish the feedback could have been a touch more positive and they had actually gone that little bit further and given me the job, but one step at a time I suppose.

When I turned up to meet her I had made sure to look the best I could without it looking like I had tried too hard. I also had planned all the issues I wanted to raise as I know these social meets may be a rarity. When I saw the menu I was immediately drawn to the fish finger sandwich and chips but conceded that would not be a wise choice for a young ambitious health conscious actress, sigh. As I perused the options of lentils, beans, leaves and general rabbit food I found it increasingly difficult to pick anything appetising. At that point she told me I had to try the fish finger sandwich as it was amazing. I knew I liked her. This was the first time I had seen her since she signed me in January and although we have regular email contact its nice to meet in person.

We discussed how it was going, what the plan was etc. We also agreed that the sooner I get new headshots the better. They have been booked in for Friday and I pray to god it works out. I am also going to Cannes this year. My boyfriend is working out there and I am going along for the ride. I was dreading “net working”, as I would be doing it solo and I always find it a struggle but thankfully she told me not to worry about that. Everyone is out there for their own projects so she just told me to enjoy myself, always look nice, smile a lot and see what happens. Sounds good to me!

I have had a few good auditions since I last wrote and they have all gone really well. They’re all for big stuff and great roles but alas it seems that it’s just not happening at the moment. But I am hanging in there. I think a few days dressing up and smiling in Cannes will help immensely!